Dealing With Boring Zombies


While everyone in your neighborhood is eaten by freak zombies, you are in the porch of your two storey house, sitting on your favorite chair, enjoying the day with your outdoor fire pit.

Of course I’m exaggerating. After watching zombies feasting on another human being’s body, zombies chasing cute guys and hot mommas, zombies chasing soon-to-be lovers in the story, zombies walking stupid, zombies with bulging eyes and zombies eating other zombies, I realized two important things about zombies: 1. Zombies can’t close their mouths; 2. If you want to live without zombies eating your insides, build a higher gate as fortress and have a porch or a pool. Zombies are scared of water (that’s why there are no zombies hiding in the water) and they hate fire.

Outdoor fire pits can add to the dramatic effect of the whole scenario- and there you are, sitting comfortably sitting near the pool or the porch, watching the gross zombie scenes and drinking some expired soda. What a cool way to find real entertainment. Zombies are brainless carnivores so they won’t mind skipping you for lunch or dinner, they just keep walking wherever they feel like walking. So much about stupid zombies, why can’t they be vegetarians instead?

If Iraq is endlessly conquered for oil, zombie movies are also never ending. They all have the same bloody zombies, they all walk stupid and they all chase the hot guys. And another thing: they all look desperately the same. In the movie industry, zombies can compete against Jason, Freddie, Michael Myers, the Chainsaw killer, the pervert Chuckie, and the other killers and carnivores of our pop culture.

Next time the zombies invade your neighborhood, a cool music, some wine and an outdoor fire pit can make you feel less bored with those freak zombies.

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5 thoughts on “Dealing With Boring Zombies

  1. OK no offense meant by this I know this is an old topic.
    The “slow” moving zombies of late were metaphors. They are tides of change that eventually catch up to everyone. Newer “Zombie” movies have been a little better. The 28 Series and even games like Left 4 Dead have taken the “Magical Boring Zombies” to a new level. They are now infected but an incurable disease or virus or the like and the survivors are Immune or Carriers. The zombies move fast, sometimes faster than the survivors themselves and do not muck around.

    NO ONE knows how Zombies “would” react if they were real. NO ONE knows because they aren’t real. BUT as a survivalist and instructor on survival I would say that informing folks that they should build a higher fence and a pool and just sit back and enjoy is a bit naïve…

    What if there are thousands of Zombies pushing on that fence? Eventually it will collapse.
    What do you do for food and fresh water? Can´t drink chlorine pool water!
    What about sanitation? Disease will LOVE your place!

    The zombies may be a raging fire of repetitiveness, but people like yourself keep providing the fuel!

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