Why You Should Date Ozzy Osbourne

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While every girl is dying to be with Johnny Depp, I am dating Ozzy Osbourne. Dating the Black Sabbath lead vocalist is better than dating Johnny Depp because of the following reasons: 1. Johnny Depp is too hot for me;2. Dating Johnny Depp means having to compete against other hot girls who also want to get hold of his body;3. Johnny Depp is a lot younger, which means he is a priceless commodity; 4. Johnny Depp is not married compared to Ozzy, where you still have to be ready for a fistfight with her wife, Sharon, to finally date the godfather of heavy metal, which brings out the excitement in every girl conquering someone like Ozzy.

If I were to date Ozzy, I’ll ask him to take me to the cemetery and bury some fish and dog bones. And then, we’ll sit on a tomb and kiss under the full moon.

If I were to date Ozzy, we’ll be sitting outside his house (with Sharon tied on another chair) and feel the romantic and relaxing atmosphere while talking about Skrappy Coco, holy and unholy things.

If I were to date Ozzy, I’ll invite him to a tea party and make him drink lots of tea instead of alcohol. Then we’ll go to San Antonio and promise everybody he won’t urinate again on the cenotaph built by the people as a sign of honor to those who died at the Alamo.

If I were to date Ozzy, I’ll take him to the zoo and there he would see lions, birds and zebras and after a moment, he would bite their heads off. With blood on his lips, we will kiss and no security guards will ever interrupt us.

If I were to date Ozzy, I’ll make him attend to meetings of parent-teacher associations, let him speak in front of the teachers and parents to assure them that he’s not evil and he won’t make their children evil. He’ll give dove cufflinks and become the peace speaker of the parents to their children.

If I were to date Ozzy, I’ll tell his wife Sharon to shut up and date Johnny Depp instead.

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Shopping with Marilyn Manson

Shopping with Marilyn Manson

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Marilyn Manson is a genius, he is such a skinny genius. I don’t mind him being skinny as long as he’s a genius and an anti-christ superstar.

Yes, he hates Jesus. In his songs, he openly relates he doesn’t believe in a god, who he believes, doesn’t exist. Well, I don’t care if he’s an anti-christ superstar as long as he creates good music and he’s one skinny bastard. No wonder Dita Von Teese married him (and then left him). Forget about the sexy Dita Von Teese and face my next question: how would you like to go shopping with Marilyn Manson?

Well, I think you’ll enjoy shopping with Marilyn Manson. Think of all the other guys out there willing to strip naked and get raped only to be with the antichrist superstar.

If you’ll go shopping with MM, you’ll be looking for some black and white tights.

If you’ll go shopping with MM, you’ll be going to the cosmetics section and find some black or red lipsticks and eyeliners. He won’t be MM without a lipstick or eyeliner.

 

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If you’ll go shopping with MM, you’ll be shopping for some porn movies. What do you expect? He loves profanity! It was rumored that he even made one of his band members watch porn while strumming the strings of his guitar as a form of experiment.

After shopping for eyeliners and lipsticks where will you guys go? How about having dinner with Britney Spears? Imagine MM talking with Britney, asking her to kill herself because she’s too fat and shaving her hair because he wants her bald. I think this is not such an awful sight after all. He can encourage Britney to be a sweet anti-christ pop superstar. Anti-christ superstars are supposed to be pale and skinny, at least that’s what my mom told me.

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Labeling the Underground Scene

Underground bands are called “underground” in the sense they are under the ground, unexposed from the spotlights of pop culture. But until when can a band remain “underground “when the popular culture is pulling it out underneath.

The punks used to hate the mainstream culture. In fact, Greenday and some underground bands (Greenday now belongs to pop culture, after involving in their so called movement, what a smart way to be popular) had a movement against record companies, refusing to recognize pop culture influenced by their strong belief that such companies tend to change their music’s soul only for every businessman’s motivation to sell. Let’s face it, majority of the bands today exist not only because they want to play good music but they also want to earn good money.

Now Greenday is one of the most popular bands in the music industry. There was a change in the lyrics of Greenday in the band’s record company’s effort to easily sell more records. So much about all those angry screams not be “labeled”. Sooner, every underground band will rise from the ground and be “labeled”.

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Rehabilitating Pop Culture

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When rockstars scream sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll, everyone then made their conclusion: rockstars are drug users. When they heard about guys in dreadlocks, they then believe all guys in dreadlocks are smoking weed. With such false conclusions, why not be fair and suspect everybody a drug user?

Here are two fair judgments: 1. not all rockstars are drug users (though 70-90% of them do use drugs); 2. not all guys in dreadlocks are drugs users either (well actually 80% of them really smoke weed). Here is one good explanation why I don’t blame you for your unfair judgment: You’re just too trapped with the popular idea that popular culture is dependent on drugs.

Everyone can be a victim of drugs, even your favorite celebrities just like Lindsay Lohan. In fact, I think 50% of her popularity comes from going in and out of rehab. Well, don’t be surprised, celebrities are paying big money for their drug rehabilitation and then expect them to be back after a couple of months. When they’re not making movies or recording albums, they’re probably spending a lot of time in rehabilitation centers for drug detox.

While the third world countries are promoting birth control pills and fighting freedom over their leaders, the thirty something, the twenty something and the below twenty something have one strong voice- to legalize marijuana (though in some countries, marijuana is just a non addictive weed so it’s not illegal). When people heard about the Rastafari movement, 60% of them are convinced that marijuana should be legal. In the Philippines, there are more marijuana plantations than banana and rice plantations. What a cool country to plant and smoke weed.

Drug abuse has always been a part of popular culture. The generation X or the baby boomers enjoyed the wild days of Rolling Stones and The Beatles. The members of The Rolling Stones were actually accused of being a bad influence to their public audience for producing songs promoting sex, violence and drugs. The Beatles also received negative criticisms from the older audience when they released their song entitled “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” which was interpreted and abbreviated by critics as LSD. If not sex, pop culture is definitely about drugs.

Of course as a law abiding citizen I say pop culture should not be dependent on drugs. But the ironic thing is that songs, movies and books are popular because they revolve in one universal theme: DRUGS. If Eric Clapton’s “Cocaine” was a hit, then thanks to drugs. If The Goodfellas has a good story, then thanks to drugs. If love lines such as “you’re my perfect drug”, “I’m addicted to you” and “you make me feel so high” are in every card or love note, then thanks to drugs. If drug rehabilitation centers exist, then thanks to drugs. Well, I say hooray for the paraphernalia, for the bongs and the not-so-hygienic needles!

Seriously, drug abuse is still a criminal offense. That’s why rehabilitation institutions and online sites promote drug detox for the users and for the society to slowly withdraw from drugs and eventually rehabilitate our pop culture.

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Keeping the Pirates at Bay

Captain Hook and his pirates are no longer in a quest to kill Peter Pan. Today they are invading the music and movie industries and everyone is not so happy about it, especially the makers of X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

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Of course, we are not talking about Jack Sparrow or “real” pirates who are after treasure chests and jewels. These pirates plunder the industries by just sitting in theaters, copying movies with their high technology camcorders while eating popcorn and then the next day, blockbusters are already available in the Web and in the streets. A few years, every producer, studio or artist might stop producing songs and making movies.

Blockbusters are vulnerable to the threats of piracy. Hollywood studios now plan their special strategies to avoid being plundered by the so called pirates or another better synonym- the Hollywood criminals. When they show advance screenings of high profile movies, they hire and form security personnel to guard and confiscate camcorders or any recording devices that will be spotted using night goggles. Studios learned a lesson when the Wolverine piracy issue came out – plundering high profile movies are every pirate’s greatest achievement.

The advancement of technology motivated the pirates to confidently duplicate and steal more copies. Piracy is not only a Hollywood problem, in fact every country around the world that is producing movies is in serious promotion against piracy. The studios keep warning the public through commercial ads that piracy is a criminal act.

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The president of the Motion Picture Association of America reported that an estimated amount of $4 billion to $4.5 billion are stolen from Hollywood’s treasure chests because of piracy. Copies of high profile movies and latest songs are easy to download, so why bother buying original DVDs and CDs when everything is almost downloadable? Well, you should be bothered. Imagine a world without movies where you can’t get the chance to watch the future movies and faces of George Clooney or Brad Pitt in their late 60s or 70s. A form of exaggeration perhaps, but as a user or consumer, it might convince you not to support piracy, in other words, never download pirated items.

May the pirates hear every studio’s message: pirates, keep your hooks off our movies!

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In Sorte Diaboli 2007

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Artist: Dimmu Borgir

Release date: April 24, 2007

Genre: Symphonic Black Metal

It’s been four long, very long years since Dimmu Borgir’s last album, Death Cult Armageddon, was released. The wait was even more intolerable considering the quality of DCA! Of course, the band wasn’t exactly inactive during all this time: between several solo projects (Old Man’s Child, Chrome Division,…), it also re-released Stormblåst, the original being a great but poorly produced album from 1996.

Compared to Death Cult Armageddon and Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia, the In Sorte Diaboli features a deeper version of Dimmu Borgir. The Sacriligeous Scorn is another good song with a cool music video that obviously displays the band’s hatred against religion and the whole idea of GOD.

What makes In Sorte Diaboli different from another Dimmu Borgir albums? It has a story concept that Silenoz (guitars) contirubed: a priest who learned to abandon his religious beliefs to become a disciple of Satan. The concept was considered to be the first ever concept album ever.

As you listen to the whole album, almost all the songs are able to maintain its minimalist style of songwriting. And like many of their songs, they also develop a conversational style of writing. With Shagrath’s voice and the other kings of the carnival creation, In Sorte Diaboli is definitely another tale to hear in the dark.

Well, the strangest yet exciting thing about Dimmu Borgir’s new album is that it comes with an album cover with lyrics written backwards and a mirror for you to read. Now, who wants more Dimmu Borgir?

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